Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
