I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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