True but thats because hes a fetus.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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