I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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