Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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