my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Randomize
