I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The air taste purple.
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