i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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