so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
