i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
