You don't have asthma, your pregnant
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
