I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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