he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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