rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize