Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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