how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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