Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
