She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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