First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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