thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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