it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize