Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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