My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
