Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
