Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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