we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
