So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
