Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
