The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
