Christians are straight up FREAKS
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
