A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
