grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
