My first STD was from a foam party
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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