We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize