imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
