Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize