I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
