Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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