Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
