Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
