I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
