All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
