farters have to be the big spoon...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
