Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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