I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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