I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
birth control should be required to get into college
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
