we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
