her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
