dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
