we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
