Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
