So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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