It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
