first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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