i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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