So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
