if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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