sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
