my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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