Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
