There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
