Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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