Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
