I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
