I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
