12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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