bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
