whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
