forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
