Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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