I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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