It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
soo... how was my night?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
