The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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