McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
