...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
