What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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