its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
