it's too hot outside to masturbate.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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