Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
