drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
