Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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