so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
