There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
