Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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