in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize