I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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