Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
