Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
