Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize