Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
