If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
