"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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