Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
