I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
