That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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