I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
