all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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