Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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