shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
