This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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