I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
