So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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