my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
