therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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