he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
