I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize