It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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