we're chasing vodka with high fives
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
